I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize