My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize