the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
