I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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