So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
