all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
