THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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