I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't think brook has ever known best
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You ruined the universe
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
