When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
