Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize