i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
