I think i peed on brittanys purse
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
