Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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