maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
