It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
