Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize