I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
