youre lurking in front of me
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
