That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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