am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
