my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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