I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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