Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am available for nakedness
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
