I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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