You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
