i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
