I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
