I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
