Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
