Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
