i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
