He told me they were just razor bumps!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
