I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
