That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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