I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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