so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize