but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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