if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
