and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
