we have officially lost it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
