Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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