I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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