Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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