God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
