Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
