I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
