I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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