I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
