Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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