2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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