i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
