yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
