Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
