Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
