I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
