why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
