I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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