$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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