Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
