He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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