I'm drive I can fine osifer
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
