dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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