Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dicks are not precious.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
