your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
