Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
