wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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