tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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