He uses pillows to masturbate.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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