I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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