Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
