I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
